W/we aknowledge there are other lifestyles and welcome them as O/our guests, but this is O/our home and while here W/we expect O/our ways to be honored. The names on the page are also known as Beast Blade and skoshee Blade. This means all pages within the Chaparral are NKZ/NCZ/NBSZ |
this page is dedicated to all those out here, that can't get a clue... |
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Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady, wear it with pride.
Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting
it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the
river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
Idiot # 3
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown
Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.
Don't bother with giving this guy a sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received In the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days
later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking
about)!
Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his Wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the Police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
hours later.
Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!
Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it out himself.
Idiot # 7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Oh, that smarts.
Give him his sign!
Idiot # 8
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away. He was picked up fifteen minutes later while
in line at the McDonalds.
